What people want from you may be one of the most frightening things to give.
They want you.
The real, authentic you.
That can feel especially uncomfortable when you’re an executive, founder, expert, or accomplished professional. You’ve worked hard to build your credibility. Naturally, you want to appear prepared, polished, and confident.
But there is a point at which polish becomes protection.
When people can see only the carefully managed version of you, they may respect your expertise without ever feeling genuinely connected to you.
Two remarkable TED Talks demonstrate what can happen when a speaker is willing to let the audience see the human being behind the ideas.
First, watch Brené Brown’s TEDxHouston Talk, The Power of Vulnerability. Boy, did she get more than she expected from speaking at a little old TEDx!
Then, she spoke at TED itself. Uh oh! Watch Brené Brown: Listening to Shame.
What makes these talks so compelling?
Brené Brown doesn’t simply explain vulnerability. She allows us to experience it with her. We see her intelligence, humor, discomfort, humanity, and courage. Her research matters, but the person sharing it is what makes us care.
That is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned working with TED and TEDx speakers:
John’s Leadership Principle: People don’t want a more polished version of you. They want more of the real you.
Authenticity in Public Speaking Does Not Mean Sharing Everything
Being authentic does not mean walking onto a stage and sharing every painful experience you’ve ever had.
It does not mean confessing something you haven’t processed or turning your audience into your therapy group.
I call the more useful approach Insightful Vulnerability™.
Insightful Vulnerability™ means sharing something real, perhaps even something difficult, along with the insight it gave you. You share the mess and the lesson.
The vulnerable part helps people connect with you. The insightful part makes the story useful to them.
That distinction matters.
If you share a difficult experience only to relieve yourself of it, the audience may feel responsible for taking care of you. If you share it because you have learned something that may serve them, your vulnerability becomes an act of generosity.
I’ve experienced the fear and power of this myself. When I trained Navy Explosive Ordnance Disposal Group One, I worried that my work around emotion, storytelling, authenticity, and vulnerability might be dismissed as too “touchy-feely.” Instead, showing up as myself created the connection. I share the full story in Blowing It UP With Navy Special Operations, EOD.
How Do You Know Whether a Personal Story Is Ready to Share?
Before including a vulnerable story in a presentation, keynote, TED-format Talk, or important leadership conversation, ask yourself:
- Is this story relevant to the audience and the idea I want them to understand?
- Have I processed the experience enough to speak about it with perspective?
- What useful insight, principle, or possibility will the audience receive from it?
- Can I tell this story without needing the audience to take care of me?
If you can answer yes to all four, you may have a powerful story worth sharing.
If you cannot yet answer yes, the story may still be important. It just may not be ready for the stage.
John’s Leadership Principle: Insightful Vulnerability™ is not sharing your mess for attention. It is sharing your mess and the lesson in service of other people.
Practical Ways to Bring More of the Real You Into Your Communication
You do not have to reveal your deepest secret to communicate authentically. Often, small moments of honesty create the strongest connections.
You can:
- Acknowledge what is genuinely at stake for you.
- Share a mistake and what it changed about the way you lead.
- Admit that you felt uncertain before making an important decision.
- Tell people why an idea matters to you personally.
- Describe what you were actually feeling during a pivotal moment. Don’t assume the audience will know.
- Allow your natural humor, warmth, and personality to remain in the presentation.
- Replace part of your résumé with a story that shows how you became the person standing before them.
You can see this principle at work in what Dolph Lundgren’s TEDx Talk teaches us about healing, forgiveness, and vulnerability. You can also explore why authentic, personal stories are so powerful in Jack Canfield Asks John Bates Why He Is So Passionate About His Work.
One Final Thought
Your expertise may earn the audience’s attention.
Your humanity earns their trust.
When you stop trying to look like the person you believe a powerful communicator is supposed to be, you create space for something much more compelling: the real person you already are.
People just want more of the real you.
Let’s Find the Story Only You Can Tell
If you are preparing for a TED-format Talk, keynote, executive presentation, or important leadership conversation, I would be happy to help you discover which stories will create the greatest connection—and shape them with Insightful Vulnerability™ so they serve both you and your audience. Explore private executive speaking coaching, leadership communication workshops and training, or my approach to the TED format.
