Why strong leadership communication begins with making the first move
On a recent trip to Merivälja—Estonian for “Sea Field”—on the eastern coast of Tallinn Bay, I noticed something that often becomes more visible when I travel.
Estonians sometimes joke that they don’t smile much or say hello to strangers. Whether that is entirely true or simply a cultural stereotype is not the point. What struck me was what happened whenever someone made the first move.
A smile was returned. A greeting opened a conversation. Reserve gave way to warmth.
It reminded me of something leaders often overlook: even when people appear as though they do not want to connect, they usually do.
They may simply be waiting for someone else to go first.
The leadership mistake of waiting
In organizations, connection is often treated as chemistry—something that either appears naturally or does not.
That leaves too much to chance.
Leaders walk into meetings and wait for the room to warm up. They wait for someone to ask the candid question. They wait for a quieter team member to contribute. They wait for employees to say what they really think.
Then they wonder why the conversation feels guarded, why useful disagreement stays underground, or why people leave with questions they were unwilling to ask.
Leadership begins when you stop waiting for the emotional conditions you want and start helping to create them.
Leaders go first.
They smile first. They say hello first. They ask the thoughtful question first. They acknowledge uncertainty first. They create safety first.
Connection is not a soft extra
Connection is sometimes dismissed as the pleasant part of leadership—the human touch you add after the serious work is done.
In reality, connection affects whether the serious work can happen at all.
People share better information when they believe they will be heard. They surface problems sooner when candor does not feel dangerous. They challenge assumptions when disagreement is treated as contribution rather than disloyalty. They commit more fully when they understand that their perspective matters.
That makes connection operational. It influences the quality of decisions, the speed at which problems become visible, and the amount of trust available when circumstances become difficult.
You do not create that kind of environment with a single speech. You create it through repeated signals.
Three ways to make the first move
1. Let people know you see them
Recognition is one of the simplest forms of leadership communication. Use someone’s name. Notice a contribution. Refer back to a point they made. Put down the device and give them your full attention.
These are small behaviors, but they answer an important question: Do I matter in this room?
2. Ask a question you genuinely want answered
Many leaders ask questions while signaling that they already know the correct response. People recognize that immediately.
If you want candor, ask with real curiosity. Then leave enough silence for an honest answer to emerge. The quality of your listening will determine whether people risk telling you what you need to know.
3. Make it safe to move toward you
When someone raises a concern, disagrees, or admits uncertainty, your first response teaches the entire room what is safe.
Defensiveness closes the door. Curiosity keeps it open.
You do not have to agree with every observation. You do need to demonstrate that thoughtful honesty will be taken seriously.
The emotional tone of the room often begins with you
Leaders sometimes underestimate how closely other people watch them.
Before a difficult meeting, a reorganization, or an uncertain quarter, people look to the leader for signals. Is it safe to speak? Is anyone listening? Are we going to address reality? Can I bring my full intelligence to this conversation?
Your tone, attention, and willingness to go first answer those questions before your formal message does.
This is especially important for accomplished leaders entering a more visible role. At that level, communication is no longer only about expressing your thinking clearly. It is about creating the conditions in which other people can think, contribute, and act at their best.
That is executive presence with a purpose.
Try one small act of leadership today
Choose one interaction in which you would normally stay reserved or move directly to the agenda.
- Be the first to smile.
- Be the first to say hello.
- Be the first to ask a thoughtful question.
- Be the first to make someone else feel seen.
Then pay attention to what changes.
You may discover what I have seen in conference rooms and communities around the world: connection is one of our deepest human desires, but someone has to make the first move.
If you are the leader, that someone is you.
Executive Speaking Success helps accomplished leaders communicate with the clarity, presence, and humanity required to become the trusted voice of their organization.
